silver lining
by pansydauntlesscake
Summary: Every silver lining's got a touch of grey. A story of struggle and hope that no matter how hard the storms get, the sun will come up eventually. Follow Tris Prior's journey in losing and finding herself and the realisation that the past won't matter much as long as you have someone to spend your future with. Characters are from Veronica Roth's "Divergent" *plot is mine*
1. 0.1

**13 years ago...**

"Mommy, look!" the little girl said, her eyes lighting up as she pointed to a starfish near the shore, tugging her mother's hand along with her. Her mother had a contented smile painted on her face as she watches her daughter pick the starfish up in her little hands.

"It's just like my necklace!" she beamed while showing the starfish pendant on her necklace that her mother had given to her as a present.

"Did they fell out from the sky?" she asked and her mother smiled at her innocence. "Well maybe they did." she replied.

"It's pretty, isn't it?" Her mother had said, "You know, some people believed that starfishes were made to keep the travellers who used to sail over troubled waters safe." The little girl smiled up to her with a look of wonder in her eyes.

"Starfishes also have the power to heal themselves." Her mother added.

"I wish I can have that superpower too." the little girl said, giggling.

"If you ever feel scared, just think about your starfish and it will keep you safe no matter what. You are not that different. If you're ever hurt, don't worry my darling, you will heal too."

 **10 years ago...**

Everyone is talking in hushed tones, almost like the sound of a quiet prayer. The sky is dull and grey, rain pouring down from it the same way it seemed to be from her dull, blue eyes.

Most of those who came were just people around the neighbourhood, people who knew her mother from work, and very few of her friends. Her mother was too nice, and far too beautiful but she didn't really had anyone to begin with. It had always been just the two of them. But not anymore.

She was so young then, and didn't understand the concept of death. She had been crying for her mother for days and now it's becoming more real to her that she isn't coming back ever again.

How can someone just be gone? she thought. A lot of questions are stirring in her mind and no answer can silence them. She stares forward, a piece of her heart being lowered deep beneath the earth. Her hand goes up to the starfish necklace her mother gave her.

'Don't worry my darling, you will heal too.'

She stayed rooted on the spot even when people started leaving. She didn't want to leave.

"Beatrice, honey, it's time to go." Tori said, crouching down to meet the eyes of the little girl.

"Where will I go?" She asks, her voice breaking. Tori's heart felt like it broke too. Natalie was one of her closest friends and now that she's gone, her little girl is scared and alone in this world, she would've just took Beatrice in herself. But Tori knew she deserved a better family. After all, she doesn't know the first thing about raising a child. All she knew is that no matter what, she will always be there to watch over and protect Beatrice.

"Don't worry, we'll figure it out."

Don't worry.

 **8 years ago...**

"You little shit! Can't you do anything right? Hurry up and clean this up before David comes home because if he sees this mess you've made, you're going to wish you've never been born." Jeanine screams at her and dragged her down by her hair.

She had been so tired, and so hungry and haven't had a good night's sleep for the past few weeks.

She felt so helpless. She thought being adopted is better than being alone on the streets, but now she'd rather be the latter.

She thought Jeanine and David were good people. They came to the foster care in search of a child to take home and when they chose her, she thought that maybe, just maybe, she'd have the chance to be happy again after wallowing over her grief when she lost her mother. Her only family. But boy, was she wrong.

She kneels down and carefully picks up the pieces of glass that are shattered across the floor, slowly and carefully, as to not hurt herself.

"Be careful where you put your hands on, Beatrice. I don't want you to get hurt." for a moment her mother's voice rings in her head and it was enough to make her heart feel heavy.

But then she was too late. The front door had opened and he was there and in no time at all he was in front of her.

"What's this shit now?" He growled angrily at her face, his breath smelling like cigarettes and alcohol. It was disgusting and she tried to hold her breath but then he gripped her small arm and dragged her to the living room.

"You were to make sure everything gets done swiftly and efficiently. I fucking took you in and this is the thanks I get?! You useless piece of shit. You are just making things worse than it is already." David yells in his drunken state. Beatrice wondered if the neighbours could hear him, and maybe somehow they'll know something is wrong and will come to help her.

But nobody does.

David takes off his belt and she knew what was coming next. It terrified her to death, but she just stayed rooted and staring at the ground with tears streaming down her face as he raises his hand.

 **5 years ago... (warning: mature)**

"You should come, Tris. You're my best friend, I would really love it if you were there." Christina said.

It was Christina's birthday. She had invited every single one of her friends, "girls only" for a sleepover party at her house.

Beatrice knew there is no way in hell Jeanine or David would allow her to go and she felt terrible about it. She wanted to experience what it's like to be a normal kid again, to spend time with her best friend, one that she hadn't seen for quite a while now.

They had been inseparable since they were little, their moms being friends as well but ever since Natalie was gone, it wasn't the same anymore. Nothing had been the same since.

She was so sad and angry. These were the things she had every right to do but she is instead caged inside this hell hole the Matthews call their home. No one else knows about what goes on inside their closed doors.

An idea popped into her head. "Maybe I can make it. I can just sneak out at night," She thought. It was impossible and she knew that if she were caught there would be terrible consequences to face. She was afraid but also longing to have even just a few moments of her normal life back.

She just had to make sure they were all sound asleep and slowly made her way out of the window of her small bedroom.

The next thing she knows is she's running and in no time, she's at the front doorstep of Christina's house, heart thumping in her chest. It was the best and worst thing she had ever done in her life.

She felt happy again among her friends, even just for a short while. Like she belonged, as if there was nothing wrong in her life, like she isn't slowly falling apart on the inside. She didn't want it to end.

Unfortunately she couldn't stay the night so Christina's mom drove her back, their house not that far from the Matthews. With apprehension, Beatrice thanked her and insisted for her to go on home after she dropped her off at the front door, telling her that she will be fine.

She climbed back through her window after Christina's mom had driven off and the small glimpse of happiness that she had was immediately extinguished the second she came back to the Matthews' house, in her small bedroom where David had been waiting for her.

She didn't have time to process all that he is saying. He is always drunk and sluggish but his face shows his livid expression. He wasn't yelling as he does usually. This time there was a dangerous tone in his voice that made her heart beat so fast she fears it might explode. She can't hear him over the ringing in her ears and the pounding in her chest.

He grabs her and throws her on her bed, pinning both of her arms above her head. She could feel his breath on her skin and the alcohol and cigarette smell hasn't faded away after all these years. The next thing she knows is that her clothes have been ripped off of her body as his hand muffles her screams. He lets her go for a few moments to undo his belt and she expect him to hit her with it again, but he doesn't.

She didn't have any time to react as he pulled down her leggings along with her underwear. By now she was screaming her head off, hot tears running down her face.

Help me, please. Somebody, help me.

The next she felt was the most painful thing, it felt like he was stabbing her to death, over and over again, she lost her voice now and she let herself be consumed by darkness.

page break*

"Tell me what happened." her mother said, kneeling in front of her from where she's sitting in the swing set in their favourite park.

Silent tears stream down her face and her mother reaches up to wipe them. "Some kids at school made fun of me. They said so many bad things and it hurt my feelings. Why are they so mean to me? I don't want to go there anymore, momma."

"Darling, there are always going to be people who will bring you down. There will always be some people who will hurt you so much that you think you can never be happy again.

It's ok to feel bad because they hurt you, it's only human. What matters most is that you keep going, do what's right and most importantly, never ever take revenge on someone who hurt you because it won't make things any better. Now, cheer up, my brave girl."

page break*

She feels as though she was floating, slowly, lightly, along an unseen river. The waters muffling every sound, her heartbeat is the only thing she can hear.

She tried to open her eyes and when she does, she is momentarily blinded the bright white light that is directly shining on her. For a brief moment, she wondered if she is dead, and that she is in heaven, engulfed only by brightness. And here, she can finally be reunited with her mother.

"Beatrice, honey, Can you hear me?" a muffled voice says.

She can't quite focus on her surroundings because of the fuzziness in her head like it was filled with cotton balls. She blinks a couple more times and see that she is in a room with white walls. It was a bit disorienting at first since her room had dark grey walls and especially when she sees the wires and tubes that are connected to her body.

"Beatrice, thank God you're awake." She turns to the owner of the voice and sees the person that she has not seen for quite some time. Tori, eyes filled with unshed tears sat down near her bedside.

page break*

Tori didn't understand why Stephanie was calling her in the middle of the night. But when she answered her phone, it was like everything came crashing down around her. Something bad had happened to Beatrice.

Stephanie had noticed something was up when she dropped off Beatrice to the Matthews' home. She sounded scared and worried even though she tried to act like it was nothing.

She knew that girl since she was just a little one and so when she drove away, she had that nagging feeling in her chest that something was definitely wrong with the way Beatrice was acting. She decided to turn back.

She was only a few yards away when she heard blood-curdling screams, coming from an open window in one of the bedrooms in the Matthews' home. Beatrice. She didn't waste time to call the cops. She also called Tori immediately, knowing that she would want to know if something like this happens to Beatrice.

She had no idea what kind of secrets the Matthews' have that are going to be uncovered.

David and his wife Jeanine were arrested for child abuse and molestation. They found Beatrice passed out in the bedroom with no clothes on, her body severely bruised. Tori was sobbing, with Stephanie holding her in a tight embrace as they wheel Beatrice in the ambulance.

She felt shattered. She could've stopped this from happening. If only she just took Beatrice in the first place, none of this would have happened. She felt like she had let Natalie down, by allowing her only daughter be scarred in the worst ways possible. Beatrice doesn't deserve this. She was far too young and this cruel family had killed her innocence.

"Forgive me, Natalie."

page break*

"Tori? What are you doing here? Where am I?" Beatrice asks, though her voice came out weaker than usual. Memories come flooding back to her and she started panicking, tears involuntarily stream from her eyes. "What happened to me?"

"Calm down, darling, you're in the hospital." Tori said with a lump in her throat and she explained what happened the previous night, how they found out that they were abusing her, she couldn't bring herself to say it to Beatrice. That she was raped. But the look in her eyes tells Tori that she already knows.

"I am so so sorry, Beatrice. I shouldn't have let you go with that family, I shouldn't have just let you stay with me." Tori cried as she embraced Beatrice who is shaking and in tears.

"No one will ever hurt you again."


	2. 02

**4 years later...**

 **PRESENT DAY**

* * *

 **Tris' POV**

I wake up with a jolt. It's been the third time that I've woken since my sad attempt in falling asleep very late in the night, tossing and turning in my bed, which felt rather uncomfortable at the time, saving up energy to the inevitable that is heading towards me come morning. Now it is 6:52 in the morning. I wanted to at least salvage the half hour of sleep that I can get until I start getting ready but I know it's impossible. Instead, I stare at the ceiling, thinking about what's in store for me today.

I come up with different scenarios in my head, in extreme detail and my mind just randomly takes over and twists them, making those scenarios go horribly wrong in the worst ways possible. It sends a heavy weight down the pit of my stomach that I can hardly breathe properly. I know it's irrational and doesn't accomplish anything but it's like a force of habit. Overthinking everything.

By the time my actual alarm goes off, I am filled with dread. I slowly get up and take a quick shower, trying to calm myself down under the cold stream of water. Then, I spent almost another half hour choosing my outfit. I've never been one to spend a lot of time on how I look, but this day is different. I wanted to at least not make a horrible first impression on everyone else. After trying on almost every single thing that I own and scrutinising myself in front of the mirror, I settle on a dark grey varsity-striped hooded sweatshirt dress thing that Christina and I bought when she dragged me to go shopping and black leggings. Then, I slipped on a pair of high-cut converse because you can never go wrong with that. i decided to just leave my hair down because who knows how much worse I'd look if I even begin attempting to style it.

After I'm done, I head downstairs with a heavy breath and try to at least eat something. Each minute that passes, the more my anxiety skyrockets and I realise that whatever I try to shove down my stomach will be puked out anyway.

"You ready for today?" a voice speaks and I nearly jump out of my own skin.

"Jeez, Tori," I say, putting a hand over my racing heart.

"Sorry," she chuckles. "I see that you're still worrying about it." She then sits in front of me. "It's going to be alright, Beatrice. It's just high school. I know at first it may be a bit daunting but I know that you can overcome it as you have everything else."

I roll my eyes. "As if I actually overcame anything. If I did, I wouldn't be here feeling like I'm walking to my own death sentence."

"It's okay to be scared, you know. Overcoming something doesn't mean you're fearless afterwards. It only means that you have the strength to carry on. More strength than you could ever imagine. Don't be too hard on yourself, Beatrice."

"I'm trying."

"I know you are. And that's more than enough." She says and I feel just a little bit better. At least that's something. I then hear Christina's car pulling up in front of the house and realise that it's time to go.

"You'll do great." Tori gives me a warm smile and I head outside.

I suppose if I don't die from a heart attack because of my anxiety, I will certainly die in the hands of Christina. She only got her car and license a few months ago but I have no clue as to how. The girl can barely drive straight and will hit every garbage can and other obstacles in her line of sight. My dread seemed to be reflected on my face because Christina rolls her eyes at me.

"Why the hell do you look like you're walking to your own death sentence?" she says while shaking her head at me and I almost laugh at the ridiculousness.

"Because I am." I say as I get in the front seat beside her.

"You look good," she compliments. "Is that the sweatshirt dress we bought?"

"Not as good as you. And yes, it is." I say and she catches my anxiety-filled expression once again. I try so hard to act like I'm fine around everyone else. But that is never the case whenever I'm with Christina. That girl is basically a walking lie-detector and can spot bullshit from a thousand miles away. It's a blessing and a curse, I suppose.

"It's not as bad as you think it will be, Tris. Trust me, we'll be fine."

"Easy for you to say. I've been homeschooled for almost 4 years and have no real relationships in the outside world whatsoever. I'm sure I'll survive in high school," I say, pure sarcasm dripping from my voice.

"I'll be with you all the time. I promise." she reassures me. Ever since that night I couldn't help but feel like everyone is pitying me. And I always see that same look cross on their faces whenever I show weakness, which is the reason why I keep everything to myself. Because the second I show an ounce of vulnerability, they think I would break, even Christina. The only one who does not treat me that way is Tori. And I'm grateful for it.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. just focus on the road, okay? Or else we'd die before we even get there."

That earns me a smack on the shoulder. "Uncalled for,"

* * *

The noise around me gets louder and louder that I can barely hear my own thoughts. It _is_ the first day of school, but these people act like they haven't seen each other for years. A lot of shouting and shrieking and slapping on the back are involved and it makes my head spin. I stay rooted in my place as to not be engulfed by the body of students that are rushing back and forth down the halls and just stand beside Christina, who is in front of the small mirror hanged inside of her locker door, doing the finishing touches of her makeup.

We got our schedules from the main office a while ago and we have most of our classes together but there are some classes that I would have to find on my own. My thoughts are interrupted when the bell rings, signalling that it is time to head to our first lesson, which happens to be English Language and Literature.

"You ready?" Christina asks as she closes the locker door. I give her a shrug. "Let's go! It'll be fine. Uriah and Marlene are already there so you'll meet them soon." She says and grabs my hand, pulling me to our classroom.

Every step we take the more I feel like my stomach is going to fall out of my ass. My heart races a mile per minute, my throat parched as it closes in on itself. _Keep it together, Tris._ At times like these, I used to hear my mother's voice reassure me. That everything will be okay, that I am the strongest and bravest girl she knows. But over time, the loneliness I felt without her reassurance was like drowning. When things got bad, and it got worse, her voice was muffled to the point that I couldn't hear her anymore. It's like I was falling and falling down into the depths until there is no light anymore. I could not see, hear or feel anything except the bitter cold that surrounds me, and the painful, suffocating feeling that is permanently stayed inside me, but I got used to it. It became a part of me now. And some days when I've finally surfaced just for a short while, I was a fish out of water. Still suffocating in the place I thought was mine.

All the while, silence became my solace. An escape from the evil, mocking voice that had replaced my mother's gentle and loving one. A voice that sounded eerily, and very much like my own.

I have no idea how much time has passed, but when I snapped back to reality, i find myself looking at a blank whiteboard, sitting in front of a desk next to Christina, surrounded by people I don't know. A clear, authoritative voice speaks, and I see a tall, dark-skinned man standing at the front. He introduces himself as Mr. Boseman, and apparently is our History teacher.

"Welcome to another year of hell," He says and the whole class chuckles.

I used to think history teachers are the most boring people on the planet, Much boring than I could probably be, at least. And that _is_ saying something. But he seems like a pretty chill guy.

"Since it's the first day back, we should just lay back for a while and do some fun stuff to start the year," He says, rubbing his hands together. "I'm guessing everyone here _loves_ ice breakers, amirite? How 'bout that?" _Nope, not cool._ Everyone groans at this and lets out yells of disapproval but the teachers seems to find it amusing.

"Ice breakers are for _pansycakes_!" Someone shouts from behind me and is then followed by a loud smack. That sound resonated in my ears and my blood immediately went cold.

"Ow! Lynn, what the hell was that for?" I hear the same guy say but I can vaguely hear him. It's like my surroundings crumble away once again and is now replaced by something else. A memory. Or not. I don't know. I don't know.

Jeanine stands in front of me now, her face contorted with rage. I see the resentfulness and hate in her eyes.

"You stupid girl!," She spits "It's no wonder why no one can stand you, why they left you at our mercy," She then raises her hand and smacks me across the face. She continues to yell something, and I couldn't make it out, instead I hear someone call my name.

 _Tris_

 _Tris_

 _"_ Tris," Christina shakes my shoulders and I am, once again, for the second time in this day in the span of an hour, I am snapped back to reality. As I glance around almost everyone is looking at me expectantly.

"It's your turn. ice breakers. just say something about yourself." Christina whispers and I stand slowly.

"Um, I'm Tris, I'm 17 and I love to play instruments. I used to be in a band before I moved here." I say and sit down immediately. They move on to another girl next to me, but Christina stares at me with her eyebrows raised. She knows it was a bullshit story I made up out of sheer panic. I shrug my shoulders in response.

I lean forward on my desk with my chin on the palm of my hand and I know, I just know that this is going to be a long day.


End file.
